The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
No he was cute and I said yes!
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is