I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house