So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch