Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma