Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
