Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
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i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
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I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow