we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
