she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
