i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
