i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
