yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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