mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
