I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
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Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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