oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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