i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
