Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
