I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
