Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
