You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
