My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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