you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
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