I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
