So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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