He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
