Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
