Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
