Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
