hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
