I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize