I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
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you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
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