This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
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Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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