I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
