I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Shame - the story of my life.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
