he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
