so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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