I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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