How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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