the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
