she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
try to milk me bitch
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