Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
i need some magic done to my vagina
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
