So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
