Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
