I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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