there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
