Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
