my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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