I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He shit in the fireplace
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
