I want to stick my p in your. b.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
