Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize