my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
FUCK WHALES
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize