just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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