he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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