I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
