I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
