"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
