Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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