On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
