dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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