There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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