so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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