Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
