She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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