I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
