I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
