Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
