May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
