Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
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Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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