R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I am spending my child support on dildos
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
