Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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