i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You were trust falling into bushes
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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